


when the peices fall

by BnessZ



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Car Accidents, Collaboration, F/F, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Minor Injuries, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BnessZ/pseuds/BnessZ
Summary: "Even when everything falls apart, there are still seams and, even ragged, they can fit together again."Essentially, Akaashi Keiji tries to get over  Bokuto Koutarou





	when the peices fall

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, HUGE SHOUT OUT TO [Bee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/livennadin/pseuds/livennadin)!  
> Without her, this fic might not have ever seen the light of day. AND this is a collab so check out  
> [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529774) for her take on Bo's POV, you won't regret it:)
> 
> The quote in the summary and some that Kimie say are from a poem I wrote that you can find [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bf5Xzdvlt0s/) if you so choose to
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy~

_ 1 hour after; 1 year and 7 months and 11 days before _

 

Eyes dry and red, Keiji knocks all the picture frames to the floor, following them seconds later with a broken scream.

 

_ * _

 

_ 7 days after; 1 year and 7 months and 4 days before  _

 

Keiji toes around shattered glass.

 

Not that he'd feel it anyways, but he's too tired to clean up blood. A layer of dust lays on every surface that Keiji pointedly ignores. Everything is grey and silent as the sun tries to peek through closed curtains. Old dishes are piled in the sink, trash strewn over counters.

 

Keiji can't find it in himself to care.

 

A sharp knock on his door causes him to almost drop a glass of water. He doesn't respond to it, doesn't move away from where he stands. A series of knocks, each with more force than the last.

 

“Keiji,” comes a muffled voice. “Keiji, open this door, or so help me, I will break it down.”

 

The fact that Keiji considers letting him do just that should frighten him.

 

“Keiji, I am not joking. Open the damn door.”

 

Resigned to his fate, Keiji sighs and walks to the door, mindful again of scattered remains on his floor. He swings it open to find Konoha’s face etched with a frown.

 

“About damn time. I just wanted--” he stops. Takes in Keiji’s dead curls, tattered shirt and sweats, and sighs loudly. “Seriously,” Konoha pushes past him. “When was the last time you showered?”

 

Keiji just blinks.

 

“Not even once since I was last here?” A pause. “Damnit, Keiji, it's been a week. When are you planning on going back to work?”

 

Keiji offers a shrug, walking back to fill his glass. “I still have a week's worth of vacation time left.”

 

“Don't you want to save any of it for, like, a real vacation?”

 

Keiji stills. What's the point in taking a vacation if there is no one to share it with? 

 

“No,” he says.

 

Konoha is burning holes into the back of his head. “Have you gone to see your family, at least?” Silence, again. “Okay, Keiji, that's it. You go shower. I'm going to clean up and then I am driving you to their house.”

 

“Akinori, that's--”

 

“Don't test me, Keiji, I will drag you if I have to.”

 

Keiji doesn't want to do anything, go anywhere, see anyone. But he is far too exhausted to fight. He makes it to the bathroom door before he turns around. “How--” he licks dry lips, forces his voice to be louder than a whisper. “How is he?”

 

Konoha's face softens ever so slightly. “Keiji, I don't think--”

 

“Akinori, please.”

 

His lips purse into a thin line. Buzzing silence surrounds them for a long moment before Konoha breaks it, along with the eye contact. “I have yet to see him sober.”

 

Worry strikes Keiji's chest, almost suffocating him. But another emotion washes over it and Keiji thinks he must be an awful person:

 

He feels  _ relief. _

 

*

 

_ 3 months and 11 days after; 1 year and 4 months before _

 

_ 417pm _

From: Tetsurou

you should come out with us tonight

 

To: Tetsurou

I don't know. I'm really tired.

 

From: Tetsurou

cmon keiji. we miss you.

 

To: Tetsurou

Who all is going and to where?

 

From: Tetsurou

daichi kenma and shouyou. to that jazz bar

 

To: Tetsurou

Maybe.

 

From: Tetsurou

no maybe. we'll pick you up at 730

 

To: Tetsurou

Have I ever told you that you’re a pain in the ass?

 

From: Tetsurou

you love it

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 900pm _

To: Akinori

Help.

 

From: Akinori

???

 

To: Akinori

Tetsurou made me come out to a bar and it is a disaster.

 

From: Akinori

Oh?

 

To: Akinori

He managed to get even Daichi-san drunk already and is making me do shots. Kenma is busy dealing with a dancing Shouyou. I can't.

 

From: Akinori

Hahahaha. Just enjoy it dude. You need this.

 

To: Akinori

Help me.

 

From: Akinori

You're fine. Just don't do anything I wouldn't

 

To: Akinori

That doesn't mean much coming from you.

 

From: Akinori

;)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 1010pm _

To: Kou

i jsut stil mss u so mch

 

_ 1015pm _

To: Kou

y did we brek up

 

_ 1030pm _

To: Kou

i cnt rmbr…

 

_ 1106pm _

To:Kou

inneed u.

 

_ 1130pm _

From: Kou

...keiji?

 

*

 

_ 3 months and 12 days after; 1 year and 3 months and 29 days before _

 

Keiji wakes up next to an unfamiliar face and feels achingly cold.

 

*

 

_ 6 months and 25 days after; 1 year and 1 month and 17 days before  _

 

Keiji's phone rings almost nonstop all morning.

 

First it's Kuroo, then Kenma and Shouyou, then Konoha, then his mom, even Tsukishima who he hasn't seen in about a year. They all ask the same questions:

 

A _ re you okay? Do you need me to come over? _

 

And he gives them all quick answers before hanging up:

 

_ No, Tetsurou, I'm sure Kou--Bokuto-san will need you.  _

 

_ Go visit Kageyama, you guys, it's been a while since you've seen him.  _

 

_ You're going to come even if I say no, aren't you? _

 

_ Yes, mom, I'm okay, Akinori will come pester me, I love you too. _

 

_ Yes, I'm fine. I'll text you to plan something later, okay? _

 

He ignores the calendar on the wall that still has the date circled with a heart. He knows that two poorly drawn owls sit on top of the heart, nuzzling each other. It’s a glaring reminder of what he should be doing right now, one he didn’t remember would be there until he finally changed the month yesterday. 

 

Maybe he should just burn it.

Without warning, his front door slams open. Keiji jumps and curses, whipping his head towards the entrance. There, with his arms spread wide, stands his best friend. One of the people Keiji was sure he’d never see again after high school, but now can't imagine his life without.

“How many times do I have to tell you to at least knock, Akinori?”

“I honestly wasn’t expecting it to be unlocked,” He shrugs, making his way to plop on the couch next to Keiji.

 

“That's not the point.”

 

He gives a cheeky grin. “How are you doing?”

 

“Well, if I get asked that question one more time, I might break my phone.”

 

A bark of a laugh escapes Konoha. “What do you want to do, then?”

 

What a troublesome question. If he could do anything, Keiji would run to Bokuto. He would spend all day in his golden warmth and melt into him. They would hold on and never let go again. There would be no reason to.

 

There  _ had _ been no reason in the first place, he thinks.

 

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Keiji lets out a sigh. “I want to move on.”

 

Konoha stares. Blinks once. Again. Then, rapidly, sitting up so he can see Keiji's face full on. “Eh, really? You're ready?”

 

“I... don't know.” He says the words carefully, throat suddenly parched. “I want to be.”

 

“Dude, I got you.” Konoha grabs Keiji's laptop from the coffee table, powering it on. “This will be easy. You're the most attractive guy I know. You could almost turn me.” He laughs and then rambles about Keiji's qualities, what draws others to him.

 

It leaves him blushing. Sometimes he forgets how much his friend really cares.

 

It doesn't take long before Konoha has him set up with an online dating profile. Keiji thinks he must have started it in secret before, but leaves the comments to himself. Something inside of him is sinking but he tries to brush it off. This will be a new start, a new adventure. He's going to get his life back on track. This is what he wants.

 

(His lungs tremble.)

  
  


*

 

_ 9 months and 10 days after; 10 months and 1 day before _

 

Keiji goes to work with a black eye and bruised fingers and dodges every question thrown his way.

 

*

 

_ 9 months and 12 days after; 9 months and 30 days before _

 

_ 137am _

From: Tetsurou

if that bastard ever comes near you again call me

 

From: Tetsurou

im serious keiji. i will kick his ass

 

_ 150am _

From: Tetsurou

are you ok? 

 

_ 153am _

From: Tetsurou

keiji pls answer me

 

_ 155am _

From: Tetsurou

keiji

 

_ 156am _

From: Tetsurou

i know youre awake

 

_ 157am _

To: Tetsurou

im fien tetsu thanks

 

_ 158 am _

_ Call from Tetsurou _

_Duration_ _53 min and 18 sec_

 

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

_ 503am _

To: Akinori

Hey.

 

From: Akinori

Why are you awake?

 

To: Akinori

Why are you?

 

From: Akinori

Touche. What's up?

 

To: Akinori

I deleted that dating profile.

 

From: Akinori

I don't blame you. Are you okay?

 

To: Akinori

No.

 

From: Akinori

On my way

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 506pm _

From: Tetsurou

daichi and i are makin onigiri. come over

 

To: Tetsurou

I'm okay, thank you for the offer.

 

From: Tetsurou

it wasnt an offer.

 

To: Tetsurou

Why are you such a pain in the ass?

 

From: Tetsurou

stop callin me that. you love me

 

From: Tetsurou

ill call konoha if youre not here in 20

 

To: Tetsurou

Fine.

 

_ 515pm _

To: Tetsurou

Leaving now.

 

To: Tetsurou

….thank you.

 

*

 

_ 9 months and 15 days after; 9 months and 27 days before _

 

Keiji is just walking out of the convenience store when he hears a surprised gasp.

 

He looks toward the noise and freezes. Ice replaces blood and he feels as though a single touch would shatter him.

 

Bokuto Koutarou stands before him, clad in workout clothes that hug his body far too closely. His face is tinged red, hair loose around his face. Wide eyes, weighed down by purple circles, are staring at Keiji, mouth slightly agape.

 

“Kei--” the man clears his throat, mouth snapping shut. He rubs a hand at the back of his neck, looking to the side. “Akaashi.”

 

Keiji's mouth is filled with frozen sand. A lump of lead is lodged in his throat and there is an iron grip on his lungs. He fumbles a bit before managing a weak, “Bokuto-san.”

 

The taller man flinches at the name. “Uh, how...I mean…” he lets out a nervous chuckle, his eyes moving back. They search his face for a moment before stopping, narrowing. “Are you okay?”

 

The grip around Keiji's bag tightens in time with his heart. “I'm fine.”

 

Bokuto's face is unreadable, which is unusual in its own, but the accompanying silence has Keiji's skin crawling.

 

“Well,” Keiji licks dry lips. “I should get going. It was--”

 

“What happened?” Bokuto's hand is stretched out towards Keiji's cheek but it stops when the younger man flinches. Bokuto's jaw closes with an audible  _ click _ and his nostrils flare. Something dangerous flickers in his eyes. “Who did this to you?” Raw emotions drip out of his voice, anger barely contained.

 

Keiji feels a prickling behind his eyes, a weight on his chest. “It doesn't matter.” His voice cracks. “I'm fine.”

 

Bokuto whips his head away, flexing his jaw. His hands ball by his side, shaking slightly. “Ke-- Akaashi--”

 

“Keiji is fine.” It isn't, but watching Bokuto trip over his name is worse.

 

A long pause. “Keiji,” his voice is calmer, but he's still looking away. “Can we… can we talk?”

 

“I--” His throat closes around his words. Talking is not something he can do right now, not when he is a frozen fire, not when everything is pressing down on him. 

 

Slowly, Bokuto's head turns back to him, gaze cautious, searching. 

 

Before he can say anything, Keiji forces out, “I can't.”

 

Not when he aches for the golden warmth in front of him.

 

Bokuto's mouth twitches down before he stretches it into a tight grin. “Right, right, I understand. Well, I'll be off then.”

 

Keiji watches him turn around, watches him take a hesitant step away. He watches the one person that he wants by his side leave but he can't get himself to do anything about it. 

 

He thinks that may be what caused this mess in the first place.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 930am _

From: Akinori

Your work just called me. Where are you?

 

_ 940am _

From: Akinori

????

 

_ 950am _

From: Akinori

Are you okay?

 

_ 953am _

To: Akinori

I saw Kou.

 

_ 955am _

_ Call from Akinori _

_ Duration 20 minutes and 21 seconds _

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 602pm _

From: Tetsurou

what happened

 

To: Tetsurou

What do you mean?

 

From: Tetsurou

kou is dejected. he keeps murmuring your name around his beer

 

_ 620pm _

From: Tetsurou

konoha told me you ran into each other but neither will tell me what happened

 

To: Tetsurou

Nothing happened.

 

From: Tetsurou

ah so thats the problem

 

_ 704pm _

From: Tetsurou

i think you guys should talk.

 

To: Tetsurou

I can't.

 

From: Tetsurou

just try? i want to be able to see both of you

 

To: Tetsurou

I don't even know what to say.

 

From: Tetsurou

would it help if i were there?

 

To: Tetsurou

I don't know. 

 

_ 730pm _

To: Tetsurou

Let me think on it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 843pm _

To: Akinori

Thank you for getting me today.

 

From: Akinori

Anytime Keiji you know that

 

_ 855pm _

To: Akinori

What should I do?

 

From: Akinori

About Kou?

 

To: Akinori

Yes.

 

From: Akinori

What do you want to do?

 

_ 901pm _

_ Call to Akinori _

_ Duration 63 minutes and 17 seconds _

 

*

 

_ 10 months and 11 days after; 9 months before _

 

Keiji is surprised how easy it is to be Bokuto's friend again.

 

Maybe he shouldn't be, considering they were friends for years before dating. That and mutual friends haven't let them be alone together. They all hang out and joke around and act normal. The elephant in the room goes ignored.

 

But as soon as Keiji gets home to an apartment still meant for two, he's left hollow.

 

When they decided, with the help of Kuroo, to give hanging out a shot, they didn't discuss the past eleven months at all. Their break up was only brought up in passing, but never delved into. Everyone is ignoring the important  _ why did you break up can you fix it you've both been so miserable why-- _

 

It hovers around them like static.

 

So Keiji was severely under prepared for last night: Bokuto's hands roaming him, hot lips on his skin, movements so familiar and so lost to time that he shivers.

 

Keiji is not prepared to wake up in an empty bed, the sheets on the right side crumpled instead of straight.

 

He is not prepared for the pillow that smells of his ex lover being drenched in his own tears.

 

*

_ 1 year after; 7 months and 11 days before _

 

The sex becomes another thing they don't talk about.

 

Keiji and Bokuto still very rarely text and only hang out around the others, but they have more nights than not where Bokuto ends up at the apartment. More mornings than not, Keiji wakes up alone with an ache he can't rid himself of. 

 

No one else knows that it happens. Akinori assumes that Keiji's hickeys are from random guys in bars.

 

But they just go on as if nothing has changed, as if they are as distant as ever. As if they don't lay together afterwards, tangled in silence, whispering each other's names like a promise.

 

They brush it under the rug and never speak of it.

 

That is, until tonight 

 

Keiji is very aware of the date. It glares off of his calendar, a sharp reminder of everything broken in his life.

 

“Koutarou,” he says, trying to push the larger man away. 

 

Bokuto hums against his neck but doesn't stop kissing his skin.

 

“Stop, Koutarou.” When he's met with silence, Keiji shoves harder. “Bokuto-san!”

 

Bokuto stills. Gold eyes slide up to Keiji's face and then he's finally pulling away. “What's wrong?”

 

“This,” Keiji's voice chokes around a sob. “Everything.” He turns away, a hand under his nose. “How did we get here?”

 

Bokuto fully pulls away, removing all contact, standing straight. When Keiji peeks from the corner of his eye, the older man looks like glass.

 

His lungs miss a breath.

 

“I can't do this anymore,” Keiji whispers.

 

Bokuto still hasn't said anything. He just stares, his face crumbling more and more. Tears are pouring down Keiji's face and he sniffles under his hand. 

 

“This isn't right.”

 

“Keiji.” His voice is soft, strangled with emotion. “I just-- I miss you, you know? Without you, it's--” the sentence never finishes as Bokuto finally gives into his own cries.

 

“We're broken.”

 

“But  _ why?” _

 

There's a bitter taste in Keiji's mouth. He feels something inside of him crack, as if he isn't already a mess of pieces. He squeezes his eyes shut, remembering that day. 

 

“We want different things,” Keiji says.

 

The argument had started with just an idea, a pure, romantic idea. But anxiety and overbearing feelings got in the way and there was no rationalizing.

 

Keiji would give anything to go back, to get himself to calm down so maybe they could have  _ talked _ instead of screaming and throwing insults.

 

“All I wanted was for us to be a family.”

 

A cold hand grips Keiji's heart at Bokuto's words. It takes everything he has left to remain standing. “It was too much, too fast.” He's wheezing now.

 

“ _ Too fast? _ ” Bokuto is crying but his gaze has become sharper. “We were together for  _ years _ , Keiji. I could have waited on the kids, but I--” his voice breaks off in a way that stabs at Keiji's heart. “I wanted you  _ forever _ and I thought you felt the same.”

 

“I did.”  _ I do. _ “But you never-- we never-- it wasn't something we ever discussed. You can't just spring it on someone.”

 

“Well that's how I am!” Bokuto throws his hands in the air. “I'm all or nothing.”

 

“I just... wasn't ready.” Keiji is breaking and crashing. 

 

“You just think too much.” Bokuto clenches his jaw and turns to the door. “I thought you felt enough to not have to think. But you just can't help analyze  _ every little thing _ and it seriously pisses me off. Even right now, you're thinking about how to answer best. I don't want your best, Keiji, I want your honest.”

 

_ His honest? _ Honesty is important to Keiji, but when it tangles with emotions, he's at a loss. Honesty that requires throwing logic out the door isn't something Keiji is so good at. Figuring out a situation and finding the best course of action is how he is. How he has always been. Is that so wrong?

 

Keiji looks up at Bokuto's face, contorted with anger and longing. Maybe he never let his walls down as much as he thought, maybe he was freezing Bokuto out for all those years. Maybe he wasn't meant for any of this, but--

 

But he loves Bokuto so much more than any amount of reason and he wants to be with him, he wants--

 

Bokuto clicks his tongue, breaking Keiji out of his thoughts. “Exactly my point. Bye, Akaashi.”

 

Keiji watches him leave. Again.  _ Again and again  _ like a reoccuring nightmare only he knows he has the power to stop it but  _ he can't. _

 

Keiji is burning.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 103am _

_ Call to Akinori _

_ Duration 77 minutes and 7 seconds _

 

*

_ 1 year and 1 month and 3 days after; 6 months and 8 days before _

 

The static around them is almost visible.

 

They sit on Kuroo's sectional couch. Kenma is playing a game on his phone, but he shoots Keiji and Bokuto looks every few minutes. Hinata is chattering about anything and everything that has grabbed his attention lately and Bokuto nods and laughs along, clapping the smaller man on the back and talking about his students. Konoha sits beside Keiji, telling Kuroo an old high school story, drawing a hyena laugh out of the bed headed man. In the kitchen, Daichi and Konoha's girlfriend are making dinner, arguing over which recipe would be best. 

 

From an outside perspective, it's normal. Just adults taking a break at the end of a long work week, taking comfort in each other's presence.

 

But being on the inside, Keiji feels like an electrical circuit about to pop.

 

He knows that everyone is now aware of what happened, but he refuses to let it break the group up again. No one is very keen on the idea, but Keiji is done stepping circles around his friends to spare his own tattered feelings.

 

So he's going to enjoy himself even if it sets him on fire. 

 

“That's not true, Akinori,” he says. “I was only made vice captain second year because no one else would deal with Bokuto-san’s shit.”

 

Konoha snorts. “You only could because you were so in l--” he cuts himself short, clears his throat. “ _ Anyways _ , that isn't the point of my story. Keiji here became vice captain 'cause he was such a great setter, and whatever, right? Everyone knew he would get it, especially with Koutarou as captain. But  _ he _ didn't expect to get the position.”

 

Keiji groans. “Not this story.”

 

Kuroo's eyes light up. “Tell me, tell me!”

 

A sneer crosses Konoha’s lips. “So when it was announced that he would be vice captain, Keiji, the _ever graceful_ _Keiji_ , jumped and sputtered 'wh-what?’ and Koutarou clapped him on the back in his most annoying fashion and--” Konoha pauses, fighting back laughter. “ _Keiji fell on his face_.”

 

“What!” Kuroo dissolves into a loud cackling, causing the other three to stop in their antics and look over. “How come I never heard that one?”

 

“I blackmailed everyone into not telling,” he sends a sharp glare at his best friend. 

 

“Try me!” He says. “I have no shame.”

 

“Oh?” Keiji quirks a brow, smirking. “Not even about how, the first time you brought Mari-san to meet us, you got drunk and told her how you'd marry me if I were single? And then went off for ten minutes about being secure enough in your sexuality to say that and  _ then _ you and Bokuto-san gave us a strip show.”

 

This time, it's Bokuto who bursts out laughing, the sound settling into Keiji's bones. “Holy shit,” he wheezes. “I can't believe I forgot about that.”

 

Konoha blanches. “No way. I'd definitely remember that.”

 

“Sorry, sweetie,” Mari calls from the kitchen. “It's all true.”

 

“And you stuck around?”

 

“What can I say? You're cute and I'm crazy.”

 

They all laugh and the loud cadence from Bokuto mingles with Keiji's softer giggles like a melody. Their eyes meet, briefly, and it's gentle. The tension fades a little and that's how they spend the rest of the evening. It's something Keiji could get used to.

 

Although, he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel something lacking.

 

*

 

_ 1 year and 3 months after; 4 months and 11 days before _

 

Keiji walks out of the restaurant, fuming.

 

A month full of dates with a guy, just when Keiji thinks he might be feeling something, and the man has to act like he knows everything about him.

 

_ “You're the type of guy who only smiles for people he loves, the type that is cold and dry. You're always stuck in your head. I bet it causes a ton of problems, but I could overlook it.  _ I could help you.”

 

When did Keiji ever say he wanted to change?

 

Before he realizes it, Keiji is running. Kuroo's place is nearby and equipped with a boxing bag. Normally, Keiji let's out his frustration in writing or sketching, but he is just so done with the shitshow his life has become. He feels that circuit crack and pop. His chest is on fire, trapped in ice.

 

When he knocks at the door, he doesn't expect Bokuto to open, though he supposes he shouldn't be surprised. The man blinks at him, taking in his heavy breathing and red complexion.

 

“Keiji? Did you run here?”

 

He nods, slumped over on his knees. “Is… is Tetsurou home?”

 

Eyebrows knitting together, Bokuto nods and moves aside. “Is something wrong?”

 

Keiji slides past him. “I need to punch something.”

 

Bokuto stops in his shock. “You-- what happened?”

 

Keiji almost laughs. Where does he even begin with that question? He can't really say,  _ well it started with you _ . He just shakes his head, heading to grab water from the kitchen.

 

“Keiji?” Kuroo's head pops out of the fridge. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I need to punch something,” he repeats.

 

Slowly, Kuroo turns to him, eyes flickering to Bokuto before settling on him. “Date didn't go well?”

 

“Guy’s an ass.” Keiji says, repeating the man's words.

 

Kuroo gives a low whistle. “I mean, he's not wrong, but he didn't have to say it like that. It's not something to be fixed.”

 

“Right.” Out of the corner of his eyes, Keiji sees Bokuto shift. “What?”

 

The older man startles, gaze catching his. “I just... it's--” he sighs. “You don't 'overlook’ who a person is. You understand and accept them.”

 

They stare at each other for a long moment. Bokuto's golden eyes are burning with intensity and a softness that Keiji can't quite piece together. 

 

He looks away first. “You're absolutely right, Bokuto-san.”

 

*

 

_ 1 year and 6 months and 4 days after; 1 month and 7 days before _

 

_ 545am _

_ Call from Dad _

_ Duration 10 minutes and 34 seconds _

 

_ 557am _

_ Call to Akinori _

_ Duration 21 minutes and 42 seconds _

 

_ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ _

_ 808am _

To: Kou

Just thought you should konw my mom got in an accident and is in the hospital. I jsut arrived with akinori

 

Taking a deep breath, Keiji hits send and shuts off his phone. 

 

He pulls at his fingers, staring at his feet. In front of them stands the hospital, people running in and out in various states, vehicle after vehicle pulling up behind them. 

 

Keiji is dry ice.

 

“Come on,” Akinori says, voice low. He places a hand on Keiji's shoulder and steers him inside. He does all the talking and even tells the nurse he is family and Keiji couldn't be more relieved if he tried. The thought of going into that room without his best friend fills him with almost as much fear as what he is going to see.

 

The walk down the hall is a blur and they're opening a door before Keiji can think to prepare. His dad jumps up and encircles him in a crushing embrace. 

 

“Keiji.”

 

The voice is not his dad's. It's broken and tired and  _ horrified _ .

 

He pulls away, holds Keiji at arms length. His face is pale, eyes puffy. His black hair is sticking up in multiple places and he wears sweats and a loose shirt. A soft smile is on his face but it wavers as he studies Keiji.

 

Akaashi Keito is a mess.

 

Not trusting his words, Keiji just nods. He can feel his form trembling and his dad squeezes his arms before turning to Konoha.

 

“Ah, Aki, thank you so much for bringing him here.”

 

“Yes, of course.” 

 

Keiji turns away from their embrace and takes slow, measured steps to the hospital bed. A sharp breath catches in his chest. His mother lays on the bed, still, eyes shut. She is littered in small scratches, bruises, bandages--

 

Tears are pooling in his eyes and he reaches out, shaking, to grip his mom’s hand. It’s cold, an IV sticking out of it. Other wires are attached to her and Keiji pointedly ignores them. Machines beep and pulse and buzz around him and his mom’s hand is  _ so cold. _

 

“She was on her way to work,” Keito says, coming to stand beside his son. “She was barely out of the neighborhood when the other driver ignored the traffic light. They hit the side of her car.”

 

“Is she--” he chokes.

 

“Unconscious, but okay.” His father says, voice small, raw with emotion. “Whiplash, concussion, internal bleeding...Her left side is very bruised but nothing is broken.”

 

Keiji nods, leaning into his dad’s side.

Some corner of his mind registers 

Konoha walking out of the room on his phone.  He feels so young here, young and small and vulnerable. A strong desire to curl up in his mom’s side rises within him and he lets out a defeated sigh. His head falls into his empty hand. 

 

They stand there for what feels like hours, Keiji being held up by his dad, rubbing circles into his mom’s hand, before Konoha comes back. He silently walks to Keiji’s other side, bumping his shoulder. “We should eat.” 

 

Shaking his head, Keiji pulls away from both men, rubbing his face with both hands. “I’m not hungry.”

 

A soft chuckle escapes Keito. “We miss you boys, and--” He stops, considers for a moment, before giving his son a light push. “Go get some food. They said she'll probably be unconscious for a couple days.” 

 

Keiji’s face hardens. He doesn’t move, just focuses on not crying.  

 

“Keiji.”

 

“Akinori.”

 

A sharp look is thrown at Keiji. “We’re going.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Konoha's phone:

_ 114pm _

_ Call from Tetsurou _

_ Duration 20 minutes and 48 seconds _

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Keiji, Aki,” Keito says, “Go to our place and get some rest.” He sits beside the bed in a chair, both hands grasping Kimie’s arm, head slightly bowed, almost as if in a prayer.

Before Keiji can object, Konoha stands, stretches. “What about you, Uncle?”

 

“I'll stay the night here.”

 

Keiji can barely stand the emotion in his dad's voice. “You should get rest too.”

 

Keito looks up, a small smile on his face. “I can't leave her.”

 

Keiji chokes on air. Sometimes he forgets how in love his parents are, how much they depend and lean on each other. How much they need each other.

 

It's the same feeling that keeps him up at night.

 

“Okay,” is all he says. He stands, hesitates before leaning to kiss his mom's forehead. “We'll be back in the morning.”

 

“We'll bring food!” Konoha adds.

 

Keito nods, accepting his son's cheek kiss, before leaning his head back beside his wife. A long, agonizingly tired sigh escapes him and Keiji has to turn away before he loses the will to leave.

 

They walk out, Konoha's arm around his shoulders, steering him. The cool, night air pricks at his already tired eyes. He lets out a shuddering breath.

 

“Hey,” Konoha says. “She's going to be okay.”

 

Keiji just nods, swallowing past the ice in his throat. He doesn't say anything the whole car ride, only takes out his phone and powers it on, wincing at the number of notifications. There are texts and a missed call from Tetsurou, messages from Kenma, Shouyou and about twenty from Bokuto, who also left a voicemail. He scans the messages, replying to all with a simple _ , she's unconscious but okay _ , before playing the recording.

 

_ “Keiji! Which hospital is Auntie in? Is she okay? Are you okay? What happened? Don't leave your phone off, okay, I'm so worried and-- No, Tetsu, he didn't pick up-- just…”  _ there's a pause, a sigh filled with static. When his voice comes back, it's gentle and wavering. “ _ Just keep us updated, okay? And take care of yourself. Like, make sure you eat and drink water, 'cause I know how you are when you're upset and-- just breathe, Keiji.” _

 

The line goes dead but Keiji’s hand is frozen. Silent tears are streaming down his face again, which surprises him. He didn't think he had anything left in him.

 

“Keiji?”

 

“Koutarou left me a message,” he chokes out.

 

“And?”

 

Keiji doesn't reply until the car is turned off in his parents driveway, until he is bent over himself, trying to hold his tattered remains together.

 

“It  _ hurts _ .”

 

*

 

_ 1 year and 6 months and 5 days after; 1 month and 6 days before _

 

Gold is the first thing Keiji sees and he stops short.

 

Now standing beside his mom's bed is Bokuto, setting down a vase with deep pink snapdragons. Her favorite flowers. In her favorite color. 

 

Keiji can't breathe. The world tilts around him and he grabs the nearest wall for support. Something about this is so wrong, but something is entirely right. His stomach flips in on itself.

 

“Koutarou!” Konoha says, moving past Keiji. He sets the bag of pastries on the table, embracing Bokuto. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Well, Keiji texted me and you called, so--” his voice is somber, cracking at the end.

 

“You called him?” Keiji asks.

 

The men pull away from each other. Bokuto has his eyebrows drawn and Konoha looks sheepish. Keiji isn't sure who to look at, what to say. Since yesterday, it's like he's been stuck in a living nightmare, and he can't tell if the new presence in the room makes it better or not. The sight in front of him, his best friend and  _ Bokuto _ standing side by side, ready to give him support-- it's so much like the old days that his gut twists into more knots. 

 

“I wasn't sure if you had told him and I thought he deserved to know.”

 

Keiji's eyes burn. “ _ You  _ thought? This is my family, Akinori.”

 

Before he can say anything, Bokuto speaks up. “I would have come anyways.”  

 

That’s true, Keiji thinks, unclenching fists he didn't realize were balled. It wouldn't matter if there were an ocean separating them, so what's a little emotional distance? He takes a deep breath, refocusing. “Where's my dad?”

 

Bokuto's gaze is searching him for something. He has that stubborn look in his eye, as if he is off to move a mountain to reach his goal. 

 

Keiji supposes that maybe he is, considering.

 

Finally, “he went to make a call.” 

 

Emotions are rolling through Keiji. He feels sick and angry and relieved and nervous and scared all at the same time. He licks dry lips. “How long have you been here?” He's pleasantly surprised at how steady his voice is.

 

Bokuto turns to look at Kimie, eyes unbearably soft, stroking one of her hands. “Maybe ten minutes.”

 

“How long do you plan on staying?”

 

“Until she wakes up.” 

 

It's  _ that _ voice. The one he only ever used on Keiji to comfort him, to tell him  _ “no really you are the most amazing person I will ever know” _ . The one that leaves no room for argument.

 

Keiji breathes through his nose, walking over to his mom's empty side. He places a kiss on her forehead, runs a hand along her cheek. He takes takes a moment to look her over. Her face is regaining some color and she no longer has an oxygen mask on. The bandages have been switched out, blindly white in the fluorescents, but better than the red of before. Her left arm is propped up, shoulder cushioned with an ice pack. Everything is still and silent, despite the story written in her skin.

 

Keiji clears his throat. and his voice is quieter than before when he speaks.“Akinori?” A hum in response. “How long are you staying?” 

 

“Ah,” Konoha strides over. He looks at Kimie and swallows thickly. “I have to leave in a couple hours, actually.” 

 

Keiji muses, settling down on a chair. He presses his face into the bed, just beside his mom’s hand. Any other circumstance, and she would thread her fingers through his curls, whispering all the good things in life. She would unravel all his anxieties and despairs in a way no one else can. 

 

In another world, Bokuto would do it in her place. 

 

Instead, he settles for Konoha rubbing circles into his back.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keiji wakes up and his neck feels like lead.

 

Groaning, he lifts his head, squinting at the light. He’s still next to his mom, but the room is filled with Bokuto’s boisterous laugh and his dad’s gentler one. It’s a familiar sound and it leaves his fingers tingling with bittersweet warmth. The dream he had is not so different from this, only his mom was bringing everyone food and Keiji was pressed into Bokuto’s side. It’s a memory, one of many, that he has been chasing after for months. 

If he reaches out, he can almost grab it. 

 

*

 

_ 1 year and 6 months and 8 days after; 1 month and 3 days before _

 

Keiji and Bokuto fall into a comfortable pattern over the next few days.

 

It’s filled with stress and worry, but they get each other through. When Keito tells them  _ “you guys are a mess, go home” _ , Bokuto steers Keiji away. When Bokuto paces, hands running through his hair, mumbling and asking for a beer, Keiji gets him into a chair and rubs his shoulders. When Keiji is shaking and collapsing, Bokuto gets him to lay down. When--

 

The two men read each other and react as if it’s second nature. They understand how to help the other one, how to be a pillar when everything else is crumbling. 

 

It relights the longing in Keiji’s chest.

 

They sit, eating breakfast, just before heading to the hospital. Bokuto is telling stories of his students that make Keiji laugh. Many of the tales are then connected with memories of them in high school and Keiji has no hesitation in adding to them. After all the time they spent side stepping each other, he feels like they deserve the indulgence.  

It’s almost as if they never fell apart. 

 

Almost, because he doesn’t get to finish the story by cradling Bokuto’s face.

 

His phone rings, causing them both to jump. “Hello?”

“Keiji!” His dad’s voice comes through the phone, muffled with tears but elated. “She’s awake!”

 

Leaping out of his chair, Keiji feels his eyes water. “Are you serious?” A hysterical laugh bubbles out of his chest. Bokuto stands up and looks at him intensely. “We’ll be right there.”  He hangs up the phone and scrambles for his jacket. 

 

“Keiji?” Bokuto is hovering around him, arms stretched out but not touching. Keiji is practically bouncing, a beaming grin on his lips. It's full of teeth and crinkles his eyes, a very rare expression for him. Bokuto feels himself smiling in response. “Keiji, what is it?” 

 

“She’s awake!” There are tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. His voice sounds like the world has been lifted from his lungs. “Kou, my mom is awake! She's awake and alive and we can talk to her!”

 

The next instant, Bokuto is spinning Keiji above the ground and planting a tender kiss on his cheek. “Let’s go!”

 

Keiji is flooded with so much relief, he doesn’t think about what just happened until much later.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 903am _

_ Call to Akinori _

_ Duration 13 minutes and 9 seconds _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

His mom is smiling.

 

She’s in pain, been through a million tests, and is a bit spacey, but she is smiling and somehow radiant. The flowers on her table make her beam and she pulls all three men in for a group hug and everyone is crying.

 

“Oh, Keiji,” She coos. They pull away but she keeps a hand on his cheek. “My beautiful boy. I missed you.”

 

Keiji gives a watery smile. “I’ll visit more often, I swear.”

 

“You should join Koutarou and I for weekly tea!”

 

A new lump lodges in his throat and he blinks, pulling back slightly. “You-your what? You and Bo--”

 

“Listen, Keiji,” She says as if he hadn’t spoken. “I’m so glad you’re here. You and Keito and Koutarou mean so much to me.” The pain medication is kicking in, her words are slurred. “This family is everything to me.”

 

Keiji pulls away, glances at Bokuto, who is smiling softly, and feels any building anger and shock dissolve. “Yeah,” he says quietly, closing his eyes. “You’re right, mom. Family is everything.”

 

They spend the next few hours talking, Kimie in and out of consciousness. Staff members come and go and his dad is presented a mountain of paperwork to do, but they laugh and tease each other and Keiji feels lighter than he has in a long time. 

 

*

 

_ 1 year and 6 months and 15 days after; 24 days before _

 

_ 306pm _

_ Call to Akinori _

_ Duration 41 minutes and 17 seconds _

 

_ 352pm _

To: Kou

I’m coming back tomorrow. Can we talk?

 

From: Kou

Yes!!!!

 

From: Kou

Tetsu hs a thing plannd tho so…

 

From: Kou

Shit i wsnt supsd to say

 

To: Kou

Your texting is truly atrocious. What has he planned? 

 

From: Kou

I cnt tell u!!

 

_ 401pm _

To: Tetsurou

What are you planning?

 

From: Tetsurou

I have no idea what youre talking about

 

To: Tetsurou

Pain in the ass Kuroo-san, tell me.

 

From: Tetsurou

oohh highschool nicknames. Kinky Keiji-kun

 

To: Tetsurou

Tetsurou, I swear to god.

 

From: Tetsurou

You shouldnt swear to god. He deserves better

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Keiji.”

 

He sets his phone down, looks down at the couch. “Yes?” His mother is patting the seat next to her. One of her arms rests in a sling, wrapped in an ace bandage. Her collarbone and forehead are still blue. But the scratches are fading, her green eyes are brighter, the cut on her lip pulls less when she smiles. All her movements are stiff and she winces more often than not. Memory is a tricky thing and she gets lost in her own sentences. Last time she stood on her own, Keiji barely caught her before she fell. All in all, she's still a bit of a disaster but every bit the strong woman he admires.  She had tried to get him to leave earlier, promising she's okay, but Keiji had out his foot down. How could he leave her in such a state?

 

He slides onto the cushion next to her, angling himself to see her full on.

 

Folding her hands, Kimie tilts her head at him. “It’s probably weird that I hung out with Koutarou, right?”

 

Shifting his weight, Keiji pulls at his fingers. “A little. I was angry at first, but...it just sort of...makes sense?” His words come out slow as he realizes how true they are. Bokuto and his mom had always gotten along, long before they started dating. Bokuto had always been a presence in this house, it only makes sense that he continued to be.

 

He chokes down a bitter chuckle. It's something he's always known, he just wishes he'd truly grasped the thought months ago.

 

A hum and a small smile. “I love him like a son,” She says. “And Keiji, let me tell you something.” Her eyes bore into his. “When things fall apart, they can fit together again. Many things become stronger after breaking. And Keiji, Koutarou cares about you so much.”

 

“I know, mom.” He leans over, gives her a tight hug. “Thank you. I love you.”

 

*

 

_ 1 year and 6 months and 16 days after; 23 days before _

 

Konoha stops the car in front of Kuroo’s and shoots him a grin.

 

Sighing, Keiji reaches for the handles. “Let’s get this over with.” 

 

They walk up and Konoha swings open the door, without knocking. Keiji chastises him but he just laughs, steering him into the dark hallway. Everything about this is cliche but Keiji can’t help but smile when the lights are thrown on and a chorus of mistimed  _ “WELCOME BACK”  _ greets his ears. 

 

“Really,” Keiji rolls his eyes. “Was this necessary?”

 

A banner hangs over the living room, a mess of letters  _ “welcome back/glad she’s okay/we missed you”  _ all crammed together as if no one could decide what to do. Bokuto, Kuroo, Daichi, Kenma, Hinata, and Mari are scattered about. They all smile at him, even Kenma is showing teeth, and Bokuto steps forward. “Of course it is! It was a stressful few weeks so now we celebrate!”

 

And celebrate they do. Many hugs are given, along with sloppy cheek kisses, hair ruffles. It reminds Keiji of those family reunions he dreaded as a kid. Each one of his friends take five minutes to welcome him back. Keiji hasn’t taken so many shots in at least a year. A dance off breaks out and everyone is surprised when he wins, taking his turn to grind on each of them in turn.  It’s like being in college again.

 

Hours pass and soon, sleeping bodies are sprawled all over the room. Kuroo is halfway off the couch, Daichi hanging off the arm. Kenma is tucked into a ball on a chair, Hinata on the floor below him with his foot propped up. Konoha and Mari are touching foreheads but somehow taking up half the floor. 

 

Keiji sits in a kitchen chair, giggling at the man opposite him. “I missed this.”

 

“Yeah,” Bokuto says. His voice is more sober than Keiji expects. “Yeah, I did too.”

 

The room is spinning but golden eyes ground him. The alcohol churning in his stomach gives him a dumb amount of confidence. “Koutarou.”

 

The man leans forward, ever so slightly. “Keiji.”

 

“Will you go on a date with me?” 

 

*

_ 1 year and 6 months and 17 days after; 22 days before _

 

Keiji wakes up with a pounding head.

 

Groaning, he peels his face off the cool wood. There’s a kink in his neck and he’s fairly confident his back is breaking in two. Apparently, once you graduate college, you can’t sleep comfortably at a kitchen table anymore.

“Mornin’, sleepy.”

 

Keiji looks up to find Bokuto filling plates with eggs, potatoes, and bacon. Steaming, heaping piles of them. Keiji's mouth waters.

 

“When did you wake up?” he rubs his eye, glancing at his phone:  _ 836am.  _

 

__ A shrug. “I just know that everyone else is sleeping, figured you all would want food when they get up.”

 

“Mm. Thanks.”

 

Bokuto sits across from him like last night, coffee mugs and food for the two of them. It’s silent other than the snores in the other room. How anyone could sleep through the smell of such good food, Keiji will never know. 

 

“So,” Bokuto says, looking up with a sheepish expression. “Did you mean what you said last night?”

 

“What I--” His eyes widen and he nearly chokes on egg. “Oh. I mean-- I-- yes.” his voice cracks at the end, almost turning it into a question. 

 

A blush is creeping up Bokuto’s neck. “Awesome. Or, well, I want to say yes, Keiji, I really, really do, but I’m not sure. I mean--”

 

“I know, Koutarou.” The name snaps the older man’s mouth shut. “Just-- trust me?”

 

His gaze becomes smoldering. “Always, Keiji, always.”

 

“Ugh.”

 

The men startle, whipping their heads towards the kitchen counter. Konoha and Kuroo stand there, arms around each other, each holding a plate. Konoha turns his head to the side to look in Kuroo's eyes. “These two are idiots, aren’t they?”

 

“Konoha, my man, I don’t think you even know.”

 

“Dude, I played on the same team as them for two years.”

 

Kuroo makes a face. “That’s a valid point. You are strong, bro.”

 

Keiji sighs, rubbing his temples. “Is there something you two want?”

 

“A vacation,” They answer at the same time, and then begin laughing.

 

“For once, I agree with them both.” Daichi says, pulling his boyfriend to his side. Konoha grabs his heart in fake betrayal from the loss of Kuroo. “They put up a lot of shit from you two.”

 

Keiji can’t think of an argument in his defense.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ 919pm _

From: Koutarou

So uh whn is our date gona be

 

To: Koutarou

Start of next month. I have a plan.

 

From: Koutarou

Thts so far away!!

 

To: Koutarou

It’ll be worth it. Let’s just proceed as normal until then.

 

From: Koutarou

So formal keiji

 

*

 

_ 1 year and 7 months and 11 days after; 1 hour before _

 

Keiji is exhausted but the look on Bokuto’s face makes everything worth it.

 

After the owl cafe  _ (“Keiji--what--owl cafe? They have those? How did you-- oh my god, Keiji, look!”),  _ they went to the park and played volleyball. Even while they dated, Keiji rarely set to Bokuto anymore, always too busy with this or that. It’s more fun than he remembers, even though his first few tosses were garbage. He lost count of the hours they play before he calls it quits. Bokuto was beaming, bouncing, grabbing Keiji’s hand and swinging it between them. They walked around a lake, eat snacks, watch the sunset, did all the sappy, cliche things they did years ago but eventually lost the time for. 

 

Keiji feels right in his own skin for the first time in nearly two years.

 

After dinner, they go to Keiji’s and put on a movie. It plays in the background, but neither would be able to recite a single line from it.

 

“--and Akinori--,” Keiji has to pause, stifling giggles. He can’t remember when he last laughed this much. “--Akinori was trying to bring me the bottle, climbing over a chair, and he tripped. But then he caught himself, except the bottle flew out of his hand and he tried to catch it, which did make him fall. On his face. And the bottle spilled all over him before shattering on the floor by his hand.”

 

__ Bokuto throws his head back and laughs, partially because of the story itself, but largely because of how incoherently Keiji told it. They laugh for a while, speaking in broken sentences between. When it begins to die down, Keiji takes Bokuto’s hand, playing with his fingers. “I missed you, Kou.”

 

Bokuto’s face softens. “I missed you, too, Keiji.”

 

Watching their hands, Keiji swallows thickly. All his planning has led to this moment and, if it lets it slip away, he will never get it back. This past month has been full of preparation, of throwing logic out the door. Since he saw Bokuto in the hospital room, with flowers for his mother, Keiji has been sorting out his own feelings and figuring out how to act on them. If he backs out now, there will be no moving forward again. If--

 

“I love you, Koutarou,” He blurts, backtracking as soon as he sees Bokuto’s mouth open. “Wait, wait, no, don’t say anything yet.” His face is burning, stomach fluttering. “I never stopped loving you and I can’t believe I ever made you feel that way. I was scared, Kou. I thought too much, like you said, and--” He cuts off, taking a deep breath to recollect his thoughts. “I’m ready, Kou, I was ready all along. I’m sorry I was so slow on the uptake but, please, let’s go for it.”

 

Bokuto doesn’t say anything until their eyes lock. “Do you mean…”

 

“Yes. Everything. I want everything with you, Kou.”

 

“Keiji!” Bokuto leaps off the couch, picking him up and spinning around. “I love you so much, Keiji. So, so much,” He nuzzles Keiji’s neck, setting him down. Their foreheads press together, their eyes locked on each other, full of affection. “Yes, Keiji, let’s do it all.”

 

When Bokuto kisses him, gentle and loving and full of burning passion, Keiji feels all his pieces fall back into place.

**Author's Note:**

> Bonus  
> They get married and adopt a twins, a boy and a girl, and finally get all the happiness they deserve  
> They also buy Konoha, Kuroo and their SO's a vacation 
> 
> This fic gave me so many Akaashi/Konoha friendship feelings I didn't know I had and I love it.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think ~ 
> 
> Feel free to hmu on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/akaashiswhore)


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